Texas faces St. John’s in the consolation game of the College Hoops Classic tonight at Madison Square Garden, marking the fourth of five straight games that the Longhorns (2-1) will face an opponent with the abbreviation “St.” in their name.

Having watched the Red Storm (2-1) get absolutely dismantled by Maryland, I’m about as concerned over this game as I was Chicago State or Alcorn State. To put it simply, St. John’s handled the press as well as an under-14 rec league team and ran an offense that was seemingly focused on racking up more illegal screen fouls than points.

When not getting whistled every time down the court for clothes-lining someone on a screen, the Red Storm likes to stand around, fail to penetrate, and then feebly attempt to jack up a three-pointer. And while the Texas shooting in the second half last night was certainly a painful thing to watch, I am going to stand in my glass house and throw boulders. The St. John’s offense is so anemic, their shooting is colder than Mark Foley’s wife after reading his instant messages. And following the final twenty minutes of our game last night, that makes my insides happy.

St. John’s also apparently didn’t have time in practice to cover the topic of ball control, which bodes well for a team with the transition game that Texas boasts. Although St. John’s only lost 92-60 to Maryland, the box score won’t show that they actually gave up 183 points off turnovers. Luckily for the Red Storm, Terps coach Gary Williams had decided by halftime to donate the rest of their points to the Oakland Raiders and asked for a running clock.

Most importantly, our pom squad is at least 87 times hotter than the St. John’s football team dance team. Unfortunately for those of us in New York, there is no UT pom, cheer, or band representation here in the city. And a lack of chaps is really quite criminal.

The powers-that-be did, however, rent out a band from Ridgefield Memorial High School in New Jersey. And honestly, thanks kids for all your hard work. But when you can’t play March Grandioso — yet still try to do so four times — I’d really prefer it if you just bring some homework to do. The Ridgefield fight song was a nice touch, though.

Oh yeah, St. John’s. If you’re into exhibition games, tune in tonight at 6 P.M. on ESPN2. But if you had your fill with Lenoir-Rhyne, Xavier University, Alcorn State, and Chicago State, go out and enjoy happy hour at Trudy’s. I’ll recap the mudhole stomping for you tomorrow.